When I woke up this
morning at 4:50, I was tempted to pass on my Tuesday walk. It
was darn cold outside, and I wasnt feeling all that good
anyway, what with this Bells Palsy thing I contracted
about a month ago. Bells Palsy is a virus that causes
one side of your face to droop. But my neighbor was back home
after being gone about a month, and I knew he would be up and
waiting for me at 6. When that hour came around, I went outside
and sure enough, there he was.
We took off toward
town with him setting the pace, which was faster than I walked
when he was away. I found myself breathing hard through my mouth.
And that presented a problem with the Bells Palsy.
Due to it, my mouth
is still slightly twisted and uncontrollable on the right side.
Heavy breathing makes me look like Popeye, because the left
side of my mouth opens much wider than the right. Also, my right
eye won't close completely, and the cold morning air makes it
Since that Saturday
when I was struck with this annoying affliction, two different
doctors have confirmed that I had Bell's Palsy, and at least
10 friends and relatives have given me their remedies on how
to cure it. I was surprised to learn how many other people have
also suffered from Bells Palsy.
My friend Nancy got
hit by it twice, once for a short period and the other time
for almost a year. The experience led her to try various cures,
and it was her recommendation to drink some kind of exotic tea.
Now, I dont really have anything against tea, but I much
prefer a good martini or a little bourbon-and-branch.
My other next-door
neighbor is an acupuncturist, who told me she has cured several
Bells Palsy cases. So now Im getting treatments
from her on a regular basis.
My 91-year-old mother-in-law
has a home remedy for almost any illness one might get. In Spanish
we call her a curandera (healer). She gave me some concoction
she made up in my kitchen when I wasn't watching, and told me
to rub it on the side of my face, next to my eye and corner
of my mouth. Having had experience with her remedies before,
I wouldn't have put the stuff anywhere near my face, except
for the fact that she was standing right there watching. So
I shook the bottle of who-knows-what, then opened the cap and
put my finger in the bottle as directed. I gently rubbed the
stuff around the corners of my mouth and my eye.
I'm pretty sure there
wasn't hydrochloric acid in that bottle, simply because we didn't
have any in the kitchen. So it must have been jalapeno chili
juice. The corner of my mouth began to burn, and my eye flooded
As I stood there
drenched in tears, feeling like my head was on fire, my mother-in-law
said, "That's good, hijito (little son), the tears will
cleanse your eye." Boy, am I glad she has gone home! One
more dose of that stuff and I wouldn't have an eye left.
After hearing all
the opinions on how to cure Bell's Palsy, I've decided that
probably the best overall cure is time. I sure wish time would
hurry up and pass, however, because my bar tab has gone way
up since this virus stuck. Because of the leakage at the corner
of my mouth I have to order three martinis in order to consume
oneand I'm too vain or embarrassed to catch that expensive
vodka with another glass and recycle it.
Have a good day.