This morning I woke
up way too early for walking. My tummy had been wrestling all
night with too much chocolate and sugar, and it was my own fault.
Ill admit that, even thoughlike most husbandsI
would rather blame my wife. Last night Linda served soup for
dinner, and when I wanted seconds, she refused. One bowl was
enough, she said, adding that I needed to lose weigh and start
exercising again. I accepted her rebuke silently, because I
knew she was only looking out for my well-being. But I was still
For distraction I
flipped on the kitchen TV. Both Monday Night Football and the
American League baseball playoffs were on. Trying not to miss
anything, I started channel-surfing between the two sports.
It was too much for Linda, who soon vacated the kitchen.
Her exit was just
what I had been waiting for! Earlier that evening I had found
in a closet where I keep my sports gear a large bag of miniature
Snickers candy bars, left over from some fishing tripthis
year or last year or the year before. As soon as I felt that
Linda was engrossed in whatever she was doing elsewhere in the
house, I sneaked over to the closet and grabbed several of them.
With the Snickers
in hand, I went back to the kitchen and reclaimed my barstool
and the ball games. I put my hands under the counter and quietly
unwrapped one tiny morsel. I checked to see if Linda was coming,
and when I saw that she wasn't, I quickly shoved the candy in
my mouth. What a wonderful taste. Immediately I started to unwrap
another Snickers bar. That one led to another, and pretty soon
I was back in the closet refilling my pocket.
To be truthful, I
went back yet again. But the third time cost me. By then I was
eating several of the delicious little candies at once. Suddenly
Linda returned to the kitchen, and there was no way to hide
the fact that I chomping on something. You can guess what she
asked: "What do you have in your mouth!!??" And you
can guess what I replied: Nothing!! It was all I
could think to say on the spur of the moment. Not too smart,
but at least it was an answer.
answer was not the only thing I did last night that was not
too smart. In addition, I had thrown all the Snickers wrappers
into the trash compactor. As if she had radar, Linda went straight
to it and opened the drawer. I guess women learn all these devious
tricks when they raise children. As my embarrassment mounted,
she stood over the compactor and quietly counted the wrappers.
Then, as a final knife in my heart, she closed the drawer and
walked out of the kitchen without saying a word.
She never even gave
me a chance to present the desperate defense I had devised:
HONEY, guess what? I just happened to be in my closet
and found some old Snickers bars. I was just checking to see
if they were any good. I wonder if it would have worked.
Anyway, I did take
a walk this morning. I sure felt lousy when my neighbor and
I headed out at 6. The chocolate and sugar had not let me sleep,
and I also felt guilty. All of that stuff wanted out of my system.
But guess what? When the walk was over, I felt a lot better.
So much better, in fact, that I took a peek into my sports closetto
see if there were enough Snickers left for another day!
Have a great day.