Stan's Tuesday Walks

A Weekly Feature
by Stan Evans,
President, Santa Fe Always Online

October 23, 2001

This morning I woke up way too early for walking. My tummy had been wrestling all night with too much chocolate and sugar, and it was my own fault. I’ll admit that, even though—like most husbands—I would rather blame my wife. Last night Linda served soup for dinner, and when I wanted seconds, she refused. One bowl was enough, she said, adding that I needed to lose weigh and start exercising again. I accepted her rebuke silently, because I knew she was only looking out for my well-being. But I was still hungry.

For distraction I flipped on the kitchen TV. Both Monday Night Football and the American League baseball playoffs were on. Trying not to miss anything, I started channel-surfing between the two sports. It was too much for Linda, who soon vacated the kitchen.

Her exit was just what I had been waiting for! Earlier that evening I had found in a closet where I keep my sports gear a large bag of miniature Snickers candy bars, left over from some fishing trip—this year or last year or the year before. As soon as I felt that Linda was engrossed in whatever she was doing elsewhere in the house, I sneaked over to the closet and grabbed several of them.

With the Snickers in hand, I went back to the kitchen and reclaimed my barstool and the ball games. I put my hands under the counter and quietly unwrapped one tiny morsel. I checked to see if Linda was coming, and when I saw that she wasn't, I quickly shoved the candy in my mouth. What a wonderful taste. Immediately I started to unwrap another Snickers bar. That one led to another, and pretty soon I was back in the closet refilling my pocket.

To be truthful, I went back yet again. But the third time cost me. By then I was eating several of the delicious little candies at once. Suddenly Linda returned to the kitchen, and there was no way to hide the fact that I chomping on something. You can guess what she asked: "What do you have in your mouth!!??" And you can guess what I replied: “Nothing!!” It was all I could think to say on the spur of the moment. Not too smart, but at least it was an answer.

Unfortunately, my answer was not the only thing I did last night that was not too smart. In addition, I had thrown all the Snickers wrappers into the trash compactor. As if she had radar, Linda went straight to it and opened the drawer. I guess women learn all these devious tricks when they raise children. As my embarrassment mounted, she stood over the compactor and quietly counted the wrappers. Then, as a final knife in my heart, she closed the drawer and walked out of the kitchen without saying a word.

She never even gave me a chance to present the desperate defense I had devised: “HONEY, guess what? I just happened to be in my closet and found some old Snickers bars. I was just checking to see if they were any good.” I wonder if it would have worked.

Anyway, I did take a walk this morning. I sure felt lousy when my neighbor and I headed out at 6. The chocolate and sugar had not let me sleep, and I also felt guilty. All of that stuff wanted out of my system. But guess what? When the walk was over, I felt a lot better. So much better, in fact, that I took a peek into my sports closet—to see if there were enough Snickers left for another day!

Have a great day.


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